We are wired for relationships, but that doesn’t mean they are always easy.
Most of the couples who find their way to me are in distress. The first call they make includes some version of “We just can’t stop fighting” or “We haven’t talked in weeks.”
I’ll hear that most began their relationships feeling connected and in love.
But with time, and a few life transitions, like having kids, moving, or getting older, conflicts have become harder to navigate. Couples say they feel stuck in a repetitive cycle of either feeling criticized or completely shut out, and a gulf of separation and disconnection in between.
There has been blame and defensiveness. Or maybe even bigger ruptures in the form of betrayal, such as infidelity, in need of repair.
It takes a lot of courage to reach out for couple therapy, especially when the common misconception is that it means your relationship is doomed. If you are like most of my clients, the conflict between you two is longstanding.
I’m here to help you navigate the disconnection, get a clear map of the emotions you feel, and work together to build emotional responsiveness and trust, restoring a deeper sense of connection and dependence, maybe even greater than you felt before.
I’m deeply engaged with my couples, invested in both partners, and care about you individually as much as I do for your relationship.
I believe a healthy relationship is rooted in interdependence — a balance between knowing oneself and being dependent on another.
I practice Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy (EFT), and you will often find me leaning in and slowing things down to get a clear understanding of what is happening not only between but within. If I don’t get it right the first time, I work hard to understand the second time around.
I don’t shy away from conflict, and I’m often using my own humanness as a point of reference. You’ll know that I, too, have been in couple therapy, and that my partner and I have a cycle all of our own.
You’ll also come to find that I know what it’s like to feel deeply connected and bonded, enriched in the benefits of being healthily attached.
I’m client-centered, which means while I’m a believer that our attachments help us heal, I do not prescribe to clients staying together nor that togetherness is required to stay connected.
My practice includes all different types of relationships, and I work to be culturally responsive and sensitive to the needs of my LGBTQIA+ and BIPOC clients. I let couples inform me about who they are, how they identify, and how they define their relationship, but I also seek to broaden my knowledge on client experiences.
My experience includes working with couples:
—partnered and in distress;
—starting a family;
—experiencing challenges in parenting;
—one or both partners dealing with relationship anxiety;
—as well as those who are breaking up or seeking a divorce.
I also work with couples wanting to address their:
—fighting with and blaming one another;
—lack of emotional and sexual intimacy;
—feelings of abandonment;
—disconnection and emotional distance.
After some time, clients who work with me often
express they feel:
—safer to express their feelings;
—deeply understood by their partners;
—connected and attached;
—able to get out of fights faster;
—and experience greater flexibility in relating to one another.
"One thing I’ve learned in the woods is that there is no such thing as random. Everything is steeped in meaning, colored by relationships, one thing with another."
Robin Wall Kimmerer